So I have been entrusted with finding a match for my third cousin . Goshhhh now This is new to me . A few months back my aunt called me up and told me details about her son who is living in my present city since an year now . He has a very rich CV with degrees from high level institutions including from one ivy league university . I have never been given this task before .
To be frank , I was a bit taken aback but feeling privileged to be allocated such a delicate and important errand.
Not knowing how to start , I have started giving his details to my close associates to help me out .
You see the complication - he still doesn't know this intention of mine and I don't want him and the world to think that I am your typical match making aunty.
Me ? a very intelligent /go getting / diligent / hardworking / aware / career oriented / young /regular woman next door ? a match making aunty ?
Its a common phenomenon to smirk or giggle at this ilk . we see them everywhere - in parties/ dinners / weddings / balls / banquets / functions ...
They see an eligible candidate in some such fetes and they start getting details / running sequential queries in their fertile minds / playing mix and match games mentally / trying to 'fix' them with other singletons .
Majority of them are ladies ( I wonder why ) .
They are subject to much sneer and leer.
I too have chuckled quietly at these people who are trying to "set me " up with some male I have never seen or known.
Our attitudes / outlook towards life changes with our role changes. One fine day , The pampered daughter becomes the concerned mother ,the carefree student becomes the strict teacher ,
the ward becomes the guardian .
Two decades back I was one such focussed , career minding single girl in the big bad world of Bombay ( today Mumbai). I have led the high life when still internet / mobile phones were just teething . I have lived alone in costly hostels and studio apartments for years . My parents used to send me photos of eligible boys and remind me every few months that I am going old and I should get married ASAP. On my 24th birthday I remember my mother calling me and literally weeping in the phone - " you are going to be ALL of 24 . you HAVE TO get married before 25 . why don't you like any boy I refer . Word is getting around in our community in this town that you are growing proud and haughty because of your earning status . If this persists, you will never get married. That cousin younger is already a mother . why O why .. "
I lived in literal dread of such calls and letters .
You tend to grow up quickly when you are on your own .
One by one my friends started getting married .some even got divorced equally quickly making me think about the sanctity of the bond .
I remember falling sick once very badly . I was bed ridden for 2 whole days and had vomited over myself more than once, soiling my bed horribly . I could not even go and get my medicines from the cabinet which was just 10 feet away. finally after 2-3 days I mustered up some strength and came back to life . I had to clean the whole thing myself and stand on my own two feet all by myself . With no one to talk to , no one to even get me a glass of water , life was hell then. I know life when you are on your own. I didn't tell this to my parents as I knew they will worry themselves to no end .
Truth be told , each time I was home on some holiday , I had diligently attended some " bride seeing " sessions in my house with families ( and extended families in some cases ) of both sides chatting " nonchalantly " for several hours . There have also been instances when " just the two of us " met over a cuppa .
In some cases the boy's party agreed instantly but I had refused .
I just didn't feel connected to any of them and didn't want any alliance just for the heck of it -no offence meant to those boys or their families .
Finally , just before my 25th birthday ( just like my mum wanted ) , I got married and now am a mother myself .
Only now I am able to acknowledge the worry and concern of a parent.
As a guardian you want a secure life for our wards . not necessarily a rich or luxurious life but a comfortable one at least .
Man is the only creature which worries about its offspring till he dies. birds / bees /animals / flora and fauna give birth and go about their own lives. Probably mammals like elephants / cats care for their infants for a few years till they are suckling and then the little ones are on their own.
Its natural that a parent is always worried with questions like what is my child doing out in the big city all by himself ? what if the train is very late ? what if he falls sick ? what if the water electricity is not working ? does she know how to fix that leaking pipe ? what if there is some robbery in the house ?
what if she runs of food stock in his fridge ? who is he sharing his flat with ? what kind of people are coming to her house posing as friends ? so on and on and on ...
Marriage is a wholesome package . It provides security and bond . But this blog is not a lecture about marriage but I am defending those who try to find matches for singletons. they are not just interfering ants . Their intentions are only to help. Its easy to say - mind your own business but with today's jet setting lives , individuals get little time to interact outside their realm . Dating sites are always there but its safer to go through some known channel .
Gone are the days of horoscope matching , bride "seeing " , getting the correct wedding date from the family priest etc.,
Personally I dont think marriage is a dying institution . It will be there as long as humanity is around on this planet.
Coming back to my new role , I am calling him for collective dinners / gatherings with other friends which include eligible girls and introducing them. With his credentials ,he will prove to be a good match. They can meet later for a cuppa by themselves and take it from there . Heres hoping that something appealing will click soon . Meanwhile , If and when he finds out my intention , hope he does not develop any animosity towards me . I am only trying to help , you see ..
To be frank , I was a bit taken aback but feeling privileged to be allocated such a delicate and important errand.
Not knowing how to start , I have started giving his details to my close associates to help me out .
You see the complication - he still doesn't know this intention of mine and I don't want him and the world to think that I am your typical match making aunty.
Me ? a very intelligent /go getting / diligent / hardworking / aware / career oriented / young /regular woman next door ? a match making aunty ?
Its a common phenomenon to smirk or giggle at this ilk . we see them everywhere - in parties/ dinners / weddings / balls / banquets / functions ...
They see an eligible candidate in some such fetes and they start getting details / running sequential queries in their fertile minds / playing mix and match games mentally / trying to 'fix' them with other singletons .
Majority of them are ladies ( I wonder why ) .
They are subject to much sneer and leer.
I too have chuckled quietly at these people who are trying to "set me " up with some male I have never seen or known.
Our attitudes / outlook towards life changes with our role changes. One fine day , The pampered daughter becomes the concerned mother ,the carefree student becomes the strict teacher ,
the ward becomes the guardian .
Two decades back I was one such focussed , career minding single girl in the big bad world of Bombay ( today Mumbai). I have led the high life when still internet / mobile phones were just teething . I have lived alone in costly hostels and studio apartments for years . My parents used to send me photos of eligible boys and remind me every few months that I am going old and I should get married ASAP. On my 24th birthday I remember my mother calling me and literally weeping in the phone - " you are going to be ALL of 24 . you HAVE TO get married before 25 . why don't you like any boy I refer . Word is getting around in our community in this town that you are growing proud and haughty because of your earning status . If this persists, you will never get married. That cousin younger is already a mother . why O why .. "
I lived in literal dread of such calls and letters .
You tend to grow up quickly when you are on your own .
One by one my friends started getting married .some even got divorced equally quickly making me think about the sanctity of the bond .
I remember falling sick once very badly . I was bed ridden for 2 whole days and had vomited over myself more than once, soiling my bed horribly . I could not even go and get my medicines from the cabinet which was just 10 feet away. finally after 2-3 days I mustered up some strength and came back to life . I had to clean the whole thing myself and stand on my own two feet all by myself . With no one to talk to , no one to even get me a glass of water , life was hell then. I know life when you are on your own. I didn't tell this to my parents as I knew they will worry themselves to no end .
Truth be told , each time I was home on some holiday , I had diligently attended some " bride seeing " sessions in my house with families ( and extended families in some cases ) of both sides chatting " nonchalantly " for several hours . There have also been instances when " just the two of us " met over a cuppa .
In some cases the boy's party agreed instantly but I had refused .
I just didn't feel connected to any of them and didn't want any alliance just for the heck of it -no offence meant to those boys or their families .
Finally , just before my 25th birthday ( just like my mum wanted ) , I got married and now am a mother myself .
Only now I am able to acknowledge the worry and concern of a parent.
As a guardian you want a secure life for our wards . not necessarily a rich or luxurious life but a comfortable one at least .
Man is the only creature which worries about its offspring till he dies. birds / bees /animals / flora and fauna give birth and go about their own lives. Probably mammals like elephants / cats care for their infants for a few years till they are suckling and then the little ones are on their own.
Its natural that a parent is always worried with questions like what is my child doing out in the big city all by himself ? what if the train is very late ? what if he falls sick ? what if the water electricity is not working ? does she know how to fix that leaking pipe ? what if there is some robbery in the house ?
what if she runs of food stock in his fridge ? who is he sharing his flat with ? what kind of people are coming to her house posing as friends ? so on and on and on ...
Marriage is a wholesome package . It provides security and bond . But this blog is not a lecture about marriage but I am defending those who try to find matches for singletons. they are not just interfering ants . Their intentions are only to help. Its easy to say - mind your own business but with today's jet setting lives , individuals get little time to interact outside their realm . Dating sites are always there but its safer to go through some known channel .
Gone are the days of horoscope matching , bride "seeing " , getting the correct wedding date from the family priest etc.,
Personally I dont think marriage is a dying institution . It will be there as long as humanity is around on this planet.
Coming back to my new role , I am calling him for collective dinners / gatherings with other friends which include eligible girls and introducing them. With his credentials ,he will prove to be a good match. They can meet later for a cuppa by themselves and take it from there . Heres hoping that something appealing will click soon . Meanwhile , If and when he finds out my intention , hope he does not develop any animosity towards me . I am only trying to help , you see ..
No comments:
Post a Comment